Our framework
No two relationships are alike. Built on decades of relationship research, our framework describes eight couple dynamics.
You plan your life together and talk things out as you go.
You share most of your time and like it built around a plan: a weekly routine, a calendar you both fill in, weekends arranged well ahead. When something bothers either of you, it gets said and sorted the same day.
Intense, outspoken, and always chasing the next thing together.
You live at full volume: new places, sudden plans, conversations that run past midnight, and you want the other one there for all of it. Feelings are said out loud, sometimes loudly, and cleared just as fast.
A calm, familiar home life that the two of you share.
Your favourite evening is an ordinary one at home, curled up on the same sofa. You prefer the familiar to the new, and small irritations are allowed to pass without a discussion.
Easy-going company, with the next day out already in mind.
You keep things light and do most of it together. There is usually a festival, a day at the beach or a new restaurant on the horizon, and you would both rather enjoy the day than dwell on a disagreement.
Two full lives, run on clear agreements.
You each have your own work, friends and routines, and you like it that way. What holds it together is clarity: you agree on how things are shared, and you speak up as soon as something needs to change.
Your own paths, plenty of change, and nothing left unsaid.
You each follow your own interests and change plans easily, often at short notice. You are also both direct: when something bothers you, the other hears about it straight away, so nothing builds up.
Patient and steady, each tending your own patch.
You are both patient and low on drama. Each of you keeps your own interests and habits, and the relationship grows quietly in the background, the way a garden does when it is looked after a little every day.
You each go exploring and come back with stories to share.
You both need time on your own paths: a solo trip, a new hobby, a weekend with friends. Time apart does not worry either of you, and neither does a disagreement left to settle for a day or two.
How it Works
Takes roughly 10 minutes, a fun and easy exploration of who you are as a partner.
Ranked by compatibility, and the 'couple type' you'd make together.
Intros go straight to their chat, and we email them for you so they don't miss it.
You receive pointers for your first date, and help steering the conversation based on both your test answers. Paid feature
We only charge for the extras: Personalized Matchmaking, event tickets and detailed insights into your potential match. Everything else is free.
The methodology has two parts: a couple type that describes the dynamic between two partners, and five areas that define your compatibility as a couple.
Our sources
John Gottman followed married couples over several years and found three stable styles: couples who talk disagreements through calmly, couples who argue openly and make up warmly, and couples who let most things pass. All three lasted; the couples who split were the ones who were hostile or emotionally detached.
Gottman, 1993
David Olson and Blaine Fowers sorted 6,267 married couples into five recognisable types from their answers to a relationship inventory. Olson's Circumplex Model describes couples along two lines: how close they are, and how they handle change.
Olson, 1993 · 2000
Attachment research looks at how much closeness and reassurance each partner needs. It also finds that these needs sit on a scale, with few people in fixed categories, which is why we place every couple on a scale too.
Kirkpatrick & Davis, 1994 · Fraley, 2015
The model
Our framework brings these lines of research together into one model with three dimensions: closeness, conflict and rhythm.
Closeness
How much time, friends and hobbies you share, and how much time alone you need.
Conflict
Whether you raise things early and stay in a hard conversation, or give them time first.
Rhythm
Whether you prefer routine and plans, or new things and a change of course.
Your answers place each of you on every axis, and your couple type comes from where the two of you sit together.
Compatibility
Compatibility is not the same as similarity. Our framework looks at how your values, habits and ways of relating complement each other, across five areas.
Where your lives are heading.
The differences that are hardest to compromise on sit here. Couples tend to be more alike in their politics than in almost any other trait, and differences in religious practice are linked to less stable marriages. This area counts the most.
Covers: relationship goals, children, family, faith, politics, money, where to live, work and life
How your days would fit together.
None of these ends a relationship on its own, but the small frictions of living together add up. This area looks at how easily your habits sit next to each other.
Covers: sleep, tidiness, drinking, pets, social and alone time, hobbies, routine
How you talk, disagree and make up.
Conflict research finds that how a couple argues and repairs matters more than how often they disagree. This area compares how directly you speak, when you like to resolve things and how readily you bend.
Covers: directness, openness, keeping in touch, timing and approach in conflict, compromise, apologising
How you give and receive closeness.
Attachment research finds that insecurity in either partner lowers satisfaction for both. This area looks at how well your needs for closeness, reassurance and affection meet.
Covers: emotional support, attachment, trust, jealousy, affection, intimacy, shared time and friends
How you build a life and grow over time.
Studies that follow newlyweds find that fading affection in the early years predicts later trouble better than early conflict does. This area looks at what keeps a partnership going: shared goals, admiration and support.
Covers: shared goals, commitment, admiration, empathy, optimism, adaptability, household roles, family, careers
Our framework does not predict whether a relationship will last, but it gives you a strong foundation to build on. Studies show that how two people treat each other matters more than any match on paper.
These studies shaped the framework.
